


Noticing

by omgbellamy



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friendship, Happy Ending, High School, Love, Love Confessions, Notes, Peter is a Little Shit, always and forever lara jean, covinksy, lana condor - freeform, lara jean is soft, mixture based on the books and the movie, noah centineo - Freeform, peter confronts gen because that's what we deserved, soft, spoilers for books and the movie, tatbilb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-07-12 08:29:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15991466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omgbellamy/pseuds/omgbellamy
Summary: Peter and Lara Jean detail lots of the things they notice about each other in a retelling of the story of TATBILB based on the movie and book series.





	Noticing

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first tatbilb fic. I love convinsky so much, their connection in the movie with Noah and Lana drew me in to the ship, so I read the book series, and I love Lara Jean and Peter so much! So here is a version of their story through both POVS based on both the book and the movie! Enjoy. :)

Lara Jean notices a lot of things about Peter Kavinksy. It’s got nothing to do with his looks, ok? She’s just observant. But Peter just happens to be particularly _interesting_ watch. His little quirks make him a certain way. Like the way he says ‘whoa whoa whoa’ and scrunches his nose when he’s confused, or the way his lips quirk upwards when he finds something funny.

“Covey? Covey, are you listening?”

Lara Jean jolts suddenly, back in the present with Peter sitting across from her. He waves a hand cutely over her face, and Lara Jean swats it away. “You on Earth?”

Lara Jean rolls her eye. “With the fairies,” she jokes and Peter smiles.

“I hope those fairies make cookies as good as you do.”

She smirks at him. “Nobody is as good as me at baking, Peter K. We’ve been fake-dating for enough weeks now that you know that’s a fact.”

Peter cocks his head to the side. He is adorable. “Really? Better than Mary Berry?”

Lara Jean fake-gasps. “Better than the Queen of Baking herself? I think I could compete.”

Peter reaches over and pulls on her ponytail affectionately. “You can compete in more ways than one, Covey,” he assures her, a note of sincerity in his voice that has her surprised.

She breaks his gaze, because suddenly it’s hard to look at him. Shyly she tucks a lose strand of hair from her ponytail behind her ear. “Thank you, I guess.”

Peter notices a lot of things about Lara Jean. He notices the way she ducks her head down and plays with her hair when she’s feeling shy or when someone compliments her. He notices the way her dark eyes light up when she’s baking. It’s not that he’s forgot about Gen, because she’s the whole point of their little arrangement, but being with Lara Jean helps him to relax sometimes.

He hates to be that guy to compare girls, but with their dynamic it’s easy to. Lara Jean is easy-going in a way that Gen isn’t. Gen was always going on at him to do things for her, to be with her at a certain time, to go with her to family functions, to post on his Instagram about her. But Gen was also spontaneous and she could be caring when she wanted to.

And he’s still bitter because he was there for her. Especially since her parents started arguing in August and she’d leaned on him to distract her from their constant arguing. Then suddenly she dumps him, for real this time, for some douchey fratboy at USC.

Now she’d shown she cared. He’d seen the looks Gen had given he and Lara Jean in the halls; she was clearly bothered by their relationship. And it had worked for Lara Jean, too. Sanderson had backed off her. She hadn’t told him much about what he’d said about their relationship, but Peter never really gave a shit, anyway. Really. He didn’t – doesn’t.

“So, as I was saying before you went off to FairyWorld,  Matt Lawley is throwing a party this weekend to celebrate our win on Wednesday for the lacrosse team, and Gen is going to be there, can you come?”

Lara Jean hesitates. She’d met a few of Peter’s friends. She liked them well enough and was surprised to find they weren’t all like the stereotypical alpha-male jock types that she imagined them to be. Gabe Rivera was cool enough and called Lara Jean ‘Short Stack’ because of her less-than-average height of five foot three.

“I don’t know, Peter. I have a lot of Calculus homework and I have to Skype Margot about Ra—”

Peter clicks his tongue in mock disapproval. He adores his Lara Jean, he swears he does, but sometimes she can be a buzzkill. “Lara Jean,” he begins dramatically, patting her shoulder across the bench, “I’m sure you can allow yourself one night with the handsome Peter Kavinsky.”

Lara Jean holds back a smile. Damn Peter Kavinsky and his impressive charm. “I’ll have to ask Daddy.” She holds up a hand before he can interrupt: “But don’t get your hopes up.”

Peter grins wickedly at Lara Jean. She doesn’t want to admit it, but she definitely enjoys spending more time with him.

“I won’t, Lara Jean.” Peter slides oh-so-smoothly out of the bench and begins his way to lacrosse practice. He doesn’t even have to mention that he has lacrosse practice anymore since Lara Jean has basically memorised his practice and game schedule. “See you later, LJ.”

“See you later, Peter K.”

Lara Jean continues to notice things about Peter Kavinsky. She notices how when they’re at lunch with his friends, his sandwiches always have the crusts cut off – courtesy of his mom, she thinks – and whenever on the rare occasion his father is mentioned he tenses up. They both know enough personal  things about each other now so that they are completely open. However, Peter still doesn’t know one thing: Josh kissed her.

She’d kept it to herself for a week, and whenever she thinks about withholding the truth from him, her stomach knots into an ugly rope of guilt. She hadn’t spoken to him since, despite his efforts to try and catch her on her way home and sometimes with Peter. Peter had told her explicitly he thought Sanderson was a ‘grade A asshole’ - his words, not hers – but he hadn’t tried to keep Lara Jean away from Josh; she’d managed that part herself.

It didn’t help that Kitty kept asking why Josh never came around anymore and if it was because he was still hung up on Margot. Lara Jean definitely couldn’t tell younger her sister the reason he hadn’t come around recently was because he’d kissed her and ran. Honestly some aspects of her life these days felt like a badly written sitcom.

They’re lounging on her couch watching _Mean Girls_ of all things. Yes Peter Kavinsky is a chic flick lover.

“Do you find the ‘cool Asians clique’ in this movie offensive?” Peter asks, stuffing a handful of popcorn into his mouth. His feet are propped over Lara Jean’s lap and she sits cross-legged on the other side of the couch.

“No,” Kitty answers for her with a scoff as she yanks the bowl greedily from Peter’s hands. “It’s a compliment. It’s better than seeing all the Asians in the movie be just nerds.”

Lara Jean nods at Peter. “It’s true. The stereotypes are mildly racist, but this film is satirical and legendary, so it doesn’t offend us.”

Peter nods in agreement. “I mean, I always thought the clique system in the movie was weird. It’s not anything like that at school. Right, Lara Jean?”

Lara Jean resists the urge to say that that’s not entirely true and that their school cliques are _very much_ like the ones in Mean Girls.  Genevieve is definitely Regina, Emily is Gretchen, Chris is Janis, Lucas is Damien and Peter is obviously Aaron and Lara Jean is Cady, but without the morphing her into an even bigger bitch than Regina.

Lara Jean covers her mouth, stifling a laugh. “Right.” Kitty laughs along too, and now Peter’s confused. He blinks between the two Song-Covey girls, perplexed by their weird bouts of laughter. “Uh guys, mind telling me what’s so funny?”

Neither of the girls reply and Peter adds another thing to his list of things he notices about Lara Jean: she has a contagious laugh.

Lara Jean has become aware of Peter Kavinsky. Aware in the way that kind of scares her. When they first started this relationship, she felt like she barley saw him at all, because the eighth grade Peter Kavinsky wasn’t tall nor did he have an athletic body like Current Peter.

She notices it when he comes out of the locker room, all sweaty. He’s out of his jersey and his uniform now, clad in a white t-shirt and some joggers. She can see the veins in his arms ripple slightly and he’s looking at her with a slight smirk, as if he knows what she’s thinking. Lara Jean resists the urge to blush, but of course, Peter catches it. He slings an arm around her – he’s been doing that a lot recently, certain forms of PDA and affection.

“Come on, Covey,” he sing-songs, and she can’t help but think he looks adorable.

“I’m next to you, dork,” Lara Jean snorts, but she burrows into his shoulder anyway. (It’s warm, okay?)

 

Peter Kavinsky notices Lara Jean. Like, really notices her. She gets into the hot tub in just her nightgown, and he thinks to himself, _god, this girl_. He’s never felt so whipped over a girl before so fast. He forgets more and more about Gen each day and now he’s starting to think – no, he knows – that this thing between him and Lara Jean is not so fake anymore. Well it isn’t on his end.

“Lara Jean,” he gulps, voice slightly deeper than normal. She has that effect on him. Covey maybe innocent, but it makes her so much more hypnotising sometimes.  He notices how sexy she is. She doesn’t have to dress up or wear a lot of makeup to be sexy, she just is. And it’s really fucking with his head. “What are you doing?” he asks after a moment, collecting himself.

“Getting in the hot tub,” she says simply, a small smile etched on her face. There’s no hint of worry in her face this time, and her newfound brazenness is causing Peter’s heart to beat manically.

“You’re going to ruin your nightgown,” he points out obviously, and Lara Jean snorts.

“I don’t care,” she shrugs in response. “I’ve wanted to do this for a while, Kavinsky, so I’m doing it.”

“Doing what?” Peter asks, but he knows what. He just can’t believe that Lara Jean is the one initiating it.

She wades over to him in the water, and Peter doesn’t think he’s ever been this terrified or excited in his life. This girl. There really is no-one like her. Nobody who can challenge or surprise Peter like she can, and with every day he feels like he’s falling harder for her, as cheesy as it sounds.

He realises then how assertive she can be when she wants to. And damn him if he doesn’t like it.

“There’s no-one like you, Covey,” he whispers huskily to her before he pulls her up onto his lap.

 

Lara Jean notices something else about Peter Kavinsky: his lips are so soft. He tastes like the spring air: sweet and warm and his lips make her turn to jelly as she kisses him. She also notices how experienced he is, which she thinks is a good and bad thing. It means their kiss isn’t awkward, but maybe it’s always been natural with them. They kissed in eight grade after all, and it was Lara Jean’s first kiss. It’s fitting that Peter’s so good at it, because he’s _Peter._ She also notices how he makes her try new things to be extroverted. Before this whatever-you’d-call-it relationship between them, Lara Jean had never so much as talked to any of the guys or girls on the sports teams, let alone hangout with them. She’d never go to parties unless it was to keep Chris from passing out and ending up somewhere she didn’t know.

She lets him take control of the kiss, since this is his area of expertise. He bites at her bottom lip, and she squeaks, but he quietens her by gripping her waist and deepening their kiss. She moans, and she finds as they continue to kiss, they both seem determined to get noises out of each other, maybe even trying to make a competition out of it. But it’s not a game to them, at least it isn’t to her.

They pull apart, breathing heavily and they smile at each other.

 

Peter notices something about himself: he really, really fucking likes Lara Jean. It took them breaking up – or fake breaking up – for him to realise it. She dumped him after the ski trip because of a misunderstanding with Genevieve and not to mention he may’ve defended her with the hot tub video. He guesses he kinds of deserves it, but she never gave him a chance to explain himself. He was telling Gen it was over, and she’d executed one of her fucking mind games to get to Lara Jean. And that’s when he realised Gen hadn’t changed at all, that she was still the same mean girl she became in ninth grade after she and Peter got together and she got a makeover and new friends.

“What’s up with you?” Owen asks him, barging into his room while Peter lifts his weights. Practice got cancelled, so this is how Peter chooses to get out his aggression.

“Life,” Peter mutters vaguely. His ten-year-old brother raises an eyebrow. He’s too intelligent for his age, Peter thinks.

“Your girlfriend?” Owen asks.

Peter just sighs. “Don’t worry, little brother.” He ruffles his hair affectionately. “I’ll make you and mom dinner soon. Go watch some TV.”

Owen leaves without a word, and Peter continues with his weight-lifting.

God, I fucking miss her, he thinks.

 

He finds out that it was in fact Gen who uploaded the video.

He finds her in the empty girls changing room after lacrosse practice. Peter has had enough with the stares and the whispers of what he’s concerned is he and Lara Jean’s private business.

“Genevieve.”

She turns around and crosses her arms. “Been a long time since you called me that,” she remarks. “Something the matter?”

“I just want to know, Gen. Is it true? Did you put up that video on Anonybitch?”

Gen scoffs. “Peter. You know I wouldn’t do that. And I already told you I didn’t. What’s brought this up again?”

Peter folds his arms, mirroring her. “I know it was you. I can’t believe you still haven’t changed after all these years. I thought you were different now. And I know you did it; Lucas hacked the account and found out that you had access to it.”

Gen feigns innocence. And in that moment, Peter can’t believe he was ever in love with her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Peter. Clearly you’ve lost your mind if you’d believe that wannabe over your own girlfriend, who you’ve known for years.”

Peter shakes his head. He’s had enough. He’d defended her for too damn long. He doesn’t like to think it but he was blinded by her. Maybe not by love but by Gen herself. She was manipulative, he’d knew that fact, but she was no liar. At least not to him. He’d known all her dirty laundry: how her dad was having an affair with one of the former students, how her mom was in pieces over it and how their impending divorce was resulting in an ugly custody and financial battle.

Yet here she was still trying to bring him back to break up him and Lara Jean. Maybe it wasn’t real, but as far as Gen was concerned and everyone else was concerned, they were dating.

“You’re the only one who has such a thing against Lara Jean, Gen,” Peter snaps. “There’s proof. Lucas traced the video link and it came from your IP address at your mom’s house. Why don’t you cut the shit and just admit it was you?”

“Anybody could have it out for her, Peter. You’re naïve if you think Covey is as innocent and as likeable as you think. It’s an act.”

Peter feels his blood boil. He’d defended Gen before because he knew her life was difficult and that she was acting out. But with Lara Jean he feels a burning need to defend her and for her to keep her good name. Because that’s just what she is: she’s good.

“That’s what you think, Gen. You’ve always bullied Lara Jean – why, I’m not sure – but we all know you both used to be best friends in middle school. Now that she’s with me, you can’t stand it, so you’re targeting us. That’s why you recorded us and uploaded it to Anonybitch to hurt me and Lara Jean. You’re jealous, even when you’re the one who broke up with me for some college guy. She has never done anything to you, but you’re the one who’s threatened by her.”

Gen rolled her eyes and Peter couldn’t believe she wasn’t acting so indifferent. She claimed to care about him, yet she’d sabotage any relationship he’d had with other girls like Jamilia. Gen tuts at Peter and he clenches his fists. He doesn’t consider himself an angry person, but at this moment, he is raging.

“You’re an idiot if you don’t realise what she did to me, Peter. Or what _you both_ did to me to make me this way.”

Peter frowns and blinks twice. What did he and Lara Jean do? They got together for the sake of making her jealous. Does she know? Did one of her minions find out about their arrangement somehow? Peter plays it cool, as Peter K does.

“No, Gen. Why don’t you enlighten on me as to what Lara Jean and I did, other than start a relationship that’s none of your business.”

“You – well, she – kissed!” she exclaims, slamming down her gym bag.

Peter flinches, looking at his ex-girlfriend in disbelief. “We’re fucking broken up!” he yells.

She glares at him. “No, Peter! Back then! At my birthday party when we played spin the bottle. She kissed you, she knew I liked you, and she kissed you!” Gen huffs, taking a breath to calm herself.

Peter is incredulous. That’s it? Gen’s intense hatred of Lara Jean is over some stupid sixth grade kiss? All of that humiliation just for something that at the time, didn’t mean anything to either of them?

“So,” Peter puts his hands together, “you’re telling me, that the reason you went all crazy and released that video – I know you did, so don’t deny it – and continuously harassed Lara Jean is because she kissed me when we were kids…?”

“It wasn’t insignificant to me!” Gen yells.  She doesn’t confirm or deny being the creator of the video, but he still knows she is. “I liked you for a long time, and she knew that. Yet she still kissed you. You don’t do that – its girl code.”

Peter laughs in disbelief. “We were eleven, Gen! I didn’t even know what liking a girl was like back then. Lara Jean had nothing to do with that. She didn’t hinder our relationship at all; we were together for three fucking years!”

Gen sighs. “It’s the principle, Peter. If you let people hurt you even if its accidental, they’ll walk all over you. Surely you know that by now.”

Peter understands what she’s saying. He doesn’t understand, however, why that seems to translate to Gen hating Lara Jean like some bitchy middle school girl. Gen had been through a lot in her life, sure. Especially for the last year. Peter had been through it with her. He’d held her while she cried, he’d been up with her countless nights on the phone listening to her cries and her rants, yet he’d never had the same respect in return. She was affectionate and she’d been there for him with his dad, but once they were in freshman year she became like a girl out of a book. She’d suddenly began caring about popularity more and what she wore and her vanity. Peter figured it was her insecurities talking, that because her dad was leaving she wanted to feel loved and to feel validated, hence her mission to become popular

“She never hurt you, Gen,” Peter tells her. “Not intentionally, anyways. Lara Jean would never. Despite what you think, she still cares about you. I fucking know that. Yet this is what you do to her. I’m done with this. You’d better leave us alone.”

Gen sighs. She doesn’t say anything in response, perhaps because she has nothing to say now.

 

Lara Jean notices something about herself: she’s infatuated by Peter Kavinsky. She’s infatuated with him like the boys are with the girls in all of her romance novels. But now she’s the protagonist and Peter is her love interest. Or at least he was. She sees him in the halls as the weeks go by. Winter morphs into spring and things seem brighter, but Lara Jean doesn’t feel like it. Margo skypes her regularly, giving updates about her new boyfriend, Ravi. Josh doesn’t talk to her, but he nods when he sees her in the halls and she waves when she sees him out the window in his yard. She still has Chris, who hasn’t stopped ranting about ‘what an asshole Kavinsky is’. Lara Jean somewhat agrees.

He tried calling and texting her for those first two weeks, but she’d ignored him. Daddy had asked her what happened, and he’d found out about the hot tub video. He was livid with her and Peter and Lara Jean explained several times they were only kissing and nothing more. Gen had been suspended for a week, to which Lara Jean pettily admits she’s glad about. Chris and Lucas had been good to her throughout it, and Lara Jean counted herself lucky they were her true friends.

Then she finds the notes.

“I saved them all for you,” Kitty says apologetically. She’d told her that she had accidentally sent out the letters, thinking they were just old ones. Not love letters. Lara Jean has to thank her in some twisted way. If she hadn’t, the truth wouldn’t have come out about Josh, and she would probably still be harbouring the awful secret about liking her sister’s boyfriend.

And she wouldn’t have reconnected with Peter, or realised what a _real_ relationship was like, even in the premise of it being fake.

_Note 1:_

_Dear Lara Jean,_

_I like your scrunchie. I think it’s pretty cool, all vintage-y looking and shit._

_Note 2:_

_Dear Lara Jean,_

_I enjoyed watching Sixteen Candles with you. I think the movie was pretty cool, and not like some typical rom-com. We are still watching Fight Club next, though!_

_Note 7:_

_I liked how well you got on with my friends today. It’s rare they warm to people that fast, especially other girls who they don’t really know. It’s not surprising to me though, Covey. You’re damn likeable._

_Note 15:_

_We went to Gabe Rivera’s party today. You took your hair down. I like how it smelt all fruity. Like apples. It’s nice. I like when you wear it down; it’s pretty._

_Note 20:_

_I like how you opened up to me today about your mom. You got me to open up, too. I haven’t spoken with anybody about my dad in a while, but with you, it felt natural. I like how I don’t have to hide that from you._

_Note 30:_

_I realised something today: I like you. It’s not fake. I was wrong. I get it. I was an ass for going to Gen’s room, but you never let me explain it. It was to tell her that you’re the one I want, as fucking cheesy as that sounds. It’s over between us. I hope you understand, Lara Jean. I really fucking like you._

Lara Jean tosses the box under her bed with a gasp. So he wasn’t in her room to get back with her? Shit! She hadn’t even let him explain! She’d just left him in the cold and broken up with him then and there. Heart pounding, Lara Jean tells Daddy that she has to go and speak to Peter. She gives him the gist of the note, and he agrees to let her drive to the school, where Peter would be finishing up lacrosse practice.

She speeds down towards school, determined to get there before he leaves. Now it’s funny, because she feels like she’s in a movie and not a book. It feels like it’s leading up to an epic confession scene, where said boy or the said girl tells their epic love how they feel and they share a fairy-tale kiss for the ages.

She speeds into the school parking lot, uncaring about her shitty parking job, running to the field where she spots the team finishing up.

“Until tomorrow, guys!” coach bellows, and the boys jog across the field, presumably to change and go shower. A few of them including Peter’s friends look at her as she marches across the field, including Gabe, who gives her a thumbs up, as if he already knows why she’s there.

Peter is the last one on the field, because of course he is.

“Peter K,” she yells, and he turns around, taking off his helmet.

He keeps his face neutral, but she can see by the quirk of his eyebrow that he’s surprised she’s even here.

“I got your notes,” she says, almost breathlessly. “I read every single one.”

Peter gulps, suddenly shy. He scratches the back of his neck. “Uh, you did?”

“Kitty saved them. She likes you too much to toss them.”

He smiles wryly. “Glad to know one of you does.”

Lara Jean sighs. “I came here to talk to you about that. Peter, I’m sorry I didn’t let you explain. I should’ve given you a chance, I just assumed— “

“You assumed I was getting back with Gen,” he finishes for her. He doesn’t sound angry, just neutral.

She nods her head.

“I wasn’t. I guess you know that since you read the note. But Lara Jean, I couldn’t and I wouldn’t do that to you. I went to her room, yes, but only to tell her it was over between us. It was stupid of me to do that. I should’ve figured it would hurt your feelings. I was going to tell you the next morning after our kiss, but Gen got in your head and then you broke up with me, and it all went to shit…”

“It did,” she agrees with a slight bitter laugh. “But it doesn’t matter now. I know the truth now, and it’s time I tell you my truth.” She pulls the note from her back pocket – the pocket Peter had his hand in many times – and clears her throat. “If you can turn around, I’ll read.”

He doesn’t question it, just turns around to oblige her.

“Dear Peter, things have been weird these past few weeks. It feels odd not talking to you every day, or being driven to school in the minivan. Kitty misses you, she thinks I’m a fool for breaking up with you, but she doesn’t know what happened between us. I’ve missed you. It’s hard to see you in the halls at school and not to run up to you or even to hang out with you anymore. It feels like we’re nothing now, and I guess that’s ok. But I can’t just sit here writing this and not tell you how _I_ feel. I was hurt a lot, but I read your notes. You do care. And I think and I hope you at least feel the same way. Or at least enough for that to be letting go of Genevieve. I know we started this whole thing because of her and Josh, but we continued it for ourselves. Somewhere along the way you showed me what it felt like to be appreciated and adored by someone. You made me feel wild and free and showed me it’s go to let loose. I also opened up to you, like you said, more than anyone, even Margot, in the longest while. And I hope it’s not too late for me to say it, but I want to continue this thing with us, not a fake relationship, but a real one. I like you, Peter Kavinsky. A lot. And I hope and I think I know at least, that you like me too.”

She finishes reading with a sharp breath, and he turns around. His brown eyes shine with affection, and her stomach churns with butterflies. They stare at each other for a long time, before Peter breaks out with one of his dazzling smiles and says. “I like you too, Covey. A. Fucking. Lot. I want to be with you and only you.”

“You do?” Lara Jean asks, sounding uncertain.

Peter laughs. God, she’s so cute.

“Of course. How could I not?”

Then he grabs her by the waste, like he did at the ski lodge and pulls her mouth down to his. He kisses her right there on the field, not giving a damn if his friends can see or if anybody else can. She kisses him back, grabbing at his hair and running her hands through it, and then they’re making out on the goddamn field.

They both notice something about each other then: They don’t care about what anybody else thinks anymore.

 


End file.
